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Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to...

As a squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to...

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. "Oscar, what happened to you?" asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads hamburger: $1; cheeseburger: $2; hand job: $10. He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. "Can I help you?" she asks with a knowing smile. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes,"...

In the 1994 Wimbledon games, Martina Navratilova won the women's tournament, and then promptly announced that she was retiring from professional tennis. One reporter figured that, now that she was off the circuit, she'd be willing to speak more freely. "Tell us, Martina, have you ever used...

:rotflmao:

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer...